(no subject)

Dear Livejournal, and fellow creepers of LJ...

Why is life so confusing? Why are there so many open ended questions in life? If i do one thing, this may happen, but if i don't it could blow up in my face. Repercussions are a bitch.
We are brought into this world to make an "impact" on other peoples lives when truth be told 99% of us never do. We live our lives working jobs because we have to, not because we want to, and for what? A date of birth and death on a tombstone that our relatives will forget in 6 months.

I've got a lot of shit going on in my life, and my life may be changing drastically within the next year. I'm in a new band with my best friends that i've known for 5 years and we're planing on making this the band that works. We tried with And Then Came The Waves and we failed. We didn't fail, per say, the pieces just weren't there to fit together. We want to go on tour in summer. Music is my passion; my life. I enjoy waking up on a Monday morning and counting down the days until our next show. I enjoy talking about new merch, or new ideas for writing, etc, etc.

I want to go on tour for 6+ months a year. I want to travel the country in a van with my best friends and get lost in Idaho in a snowstorm.

I have set a few goals for myself.

1. Start saving money so i can get ahead and not have to live paycheck to paycheck.
2. Look for an apartment in March.
3. Go on tour in the summer.

If these don't work out, come September, I'm packing up my car with all my belongings and moving to Virgina or North Carolina. That's the truth. I've got just under a year to get shit straight. If not, I'm out.

Seacrest, Out.

(no subject)

it's those times when you stop to smell the roses.
it's those times when you drive past a billboard and it becomes a blur.
when grass on the other side of the highway becomes a muddy smear as you go about your everyday routine.
it's those times when you're wishing for the light to turn red as you pass through it so the person in back of you will rear end you.
it's those times when you wish a medical disaster went wrong on your body during operation.
when hospitals look so inviting as a safe haven from your everyday routines.
it's those times when you lay yourself to sleep at night and fall into a sleepy daze, and you start to ponder.
"if i were to die tomorrow, who would come to my funeral? who would be crying? who would be distraught? i bet he or she wouldn't come. well maybe, they might. would he ever know that i died? would she forever be burdened with the fact that she never said goodbye? what about him? who would remember me in 3 years?"
Thats all death really is. Your name on a tombstone that no one ever visits.
We're born, and can't remember birth.
We die, and can't remember death.
Whose to say our mind isn't one big cave and we have to go digging for the memories that we're told aren't there? If i could shrink myself small enough, I'd climb into my mind with a shovel and chip away at the layers and layers of memories until i found the ones of my childhood. When bubbles and sidewalk chalk could entertain me for hours.
One could look at it as our eyes are the lenses.
Inside of minds are reels and reels of film. Everything our eyes see get recorded onto that film and put into a big storage vault. I want to find that vault and be able to rewind and fast forward through various parts of my life.lifeisatickingtimebomb.

(no subject)

Life is.... one long game after another. Everyone seems so depressed lately. Life gets better. Things move on. Weight gets lifted off your shoulders; but nothing comes free. There's always going to be work you have to put in, to get a payoff. Everyone is stressed about college; you feel like you have to do it, but there are other options. Hell i jumped into being an electrician, and i work 40-50 hours a week, and go to school twice a week at night. I have no clue if it's what i want to do, but i know that hard work will make me happy when i look back and view the payoff. Everyone needs to take time and think about life. We all bitch and moan about school, work, payments, no money; we take our lives for granted. We could have been born with a handicap, and we'd value life so much more than how we value it now.

Tonight tonight tonight

It started off with us walking around at the casino. Then Carmen and Lauren came over and took Kelly, because they had to "talk" about stuff. So i knew johnny would be there if Carmen was. So we went to the top of the parking garage, and were standing around, then Geoff came over, and Aaron did too. Aaron was pissed at us because of us trashing his car the other night, but we talked and worked some things out. Then i asked Aaron where Johnny was, and he said he didn't know. Then he said Johnny was at work. I asked him what time Johnny worked until, and he said he worked 3 to 6. Aaron was starting to get nervous, because he was kinda shaking and not looking me in the eye. I knew that was bullshit because it was 8:30, and he said Johnny got out at 6, as if Aaron didn't know what time it was. Then Johnny walked really fast by us with his hood up and sunglasses on, into the casino by the elevators. So i opened the door and told Johnny that i have a few choice words for him, and to come talk to me. He ignored me, and walked into the elevator. So then Aaron goes to the other garage, and Geoff tells us Aaron sprayed pepper spray on KO's door handle. So KO got pissed. So we went back into the casino, found Lauren, Carmen, and Kelly. So i asked Carmen where johnny was and she wouldn't say anything. Then kelly said they were on the second floor skating. So kelly came back with us and we went to the second floor. then the third. then we decided to go back to the other parking garage and wait for him on the top level where he came from. In the process of walking back, we happened to see Johnny and Carmen standing by Ben and Jerrys. So we figured Carmen called Johnny and told him we were looking for him. So they started to walk away, so i walked really fast and caught up to them. So i start asking johnny to turn around and come with me, and then carmen turns around and says something. So i got up next to johnny and he tried turning around, but i put my shoulder into him and he stopped. Then he said something about he doesn't want to fight because he'll get arrested, and carmen was saying something so i yelled at Carmen, and then johnny tried walking away again. so i said my few choice words telling him to stop calling me, and that he talks all this shit and then doesn't back it up. the he acted like he had a phone call, and grabbed carmen and they tried walking back toward Ben and Jerrys to the other garage, so we just kept saying shit to them, and then we went back to the top floor to wait for them. KO was still pissed about the pepper spray, so he went and found Aaron's car, and we looked through it to find the pepper spray, but we couldn't find it, so we left his car door open and I put his clothes on the ground. Then we were standing over by our cars and Aaron and Tara came out, went to Aarons car, came over to us accusing us of taking his Ipod, then got in his car and drove away. It was a fun night.

(no subject)

its been a tough year, you say that life ain't fair, you say that life ain't worth it but it is, you gotta work it. you've been dealt a bad hand, placed against a stacked deck.
its been a hell of a year, you say that i ain't there, i ain't care, that life ain't fair, its been a hell of a trip, its been a hell of a life. it's been a hell of an attempt.